Hy Vee Hell this morning at 8am, not for me but for all those who strayed into my path. It was plastic bottle return day for the Crippens and of course none of the machines were functioning. The "Sarge" made a command decision, I was assigned to the return counter and we would reconnoiter elsewhere in the store. dressed in my Sunday Morning best my tongue decided to lock behind my teeth and I stam...mered "muchines nod wrkn wooden take nuddin'" at which I was given the "Must be nice to be almost sober homeless pity look" then with tears of the season in her eyes, handed the obvious life saving 55 cents. Forward I met up with Chris who was pondering how we would get over "Produce Hill" to reach a bag of 5 lb. red potatos. I instantly took the initiative and climbed the skid in front and reached down to obtain the needed item proffering up the largest display of plumber butt crack allowed. We made an attempt to get by the enemy donut counter but were forced to capture half a dozen. Suddenly assistant manager, Corporal Kevin Kisling was forced to suffer the worst of my grocery vaudeville humor, I eased in with the "Are you sure the extra Large eggs don't hurt the chickens?" and closed with " Your Humor Christmas cards aren't that funny" he ran for the bunker. Finally as we were checking out a lady had forgotten to use her Hy Vee Fuel Saver Card and proceeded to make the cashier look back through and credit her account holding up the line...wait, that was no lady it was my wife. End of shopping adventure...If Chris reads this my next post will be from the ICU at Greely.